This cartoon is based on personal experience.
I should be clear that I don’t mind vegan food—many vegan dishes are tasty. But I’ve recently come to this realization: I don’t like going out to vegan restaurants. I’ve tried several times over the years and it’s always a letdown. It sucks.
And when you go to a high-end vegan restaurant, you’re paying big bucks for dishes like these:
Gourmet “Cheeseburger” – a patty of crushed cashews and couscous, topped with soy milk and polenta “cheese.” Served on a whole wheat bun (also available with a gluten-free bun that will fall apart in your hands) - $19
“Fettuccine Alfredo” – bamboo shoot “noodles” covered in an “Alfredo” sauce of pureed coconut milk, quinoa, and tofu. It's much healthier than real Fettuccine Alfredo, but halfway through this dish, you'll lose the will to live - $23
Portabella Mushroom “Steak”– organic, locally grown grilled portabella mushroom covered in a red wine reduction sauce that won't make you forget you're spending a ridiculous amount of money on a mushroom - $26
Whenever I've gone to a vegan restaurant, the only thing I've been truly happy about ordering is booze. At least when I ask for a "martini," I get a real martini.